Understanding Behavioral Challenges in Daycare/Preschool Settings: A Guide for Parents and Providers

Justin Gutterman, MEd, LMSW

Parents and teachers, we know these behaviors well! Big tears at drop-off that tug at your heart strings and riddle you with guilt. Defiance that comes in the form of dragging feet, refusal to get dressed or whining for familiar comforts when it's time to transition. Biting during play, hitting, screaming or testing your limits. From the home to the car to the classroom, these behaviors can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle on every front.

But the fact that it is so familiar is proof that it is normal. Still, there are things that you can do to make your life and theirs a little easier during a time that is so important in their development. 

Developmental Behaviors of Preschoolers

In daycare and preschool settings, children are doing some of the most important developmental work of their lives. They're testing boundaries, learning to express emotions they don't have words for yet, and figuring out how to exist in a world with other people who also have needs and feelings. These behaviors aren't signs that something is wrong with your child or that you're failing as a parent or provider. They're actually signs of a developing brain doing exactly what it's supposed to do—learning, growing, and sometimes struggling along the way. When a child melts down or acts out, they're often telling us something important: Try to listen for the reasons behind the behavior. “I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I don't know how to ask for what I need. I'm overwhelmed.” Their behavior is communication, even when it disrupts our routines or tests our patience.

Understanding the "Why" Behind Child Behavior

Here's what I've learned after years of working with families and early childhood settings: behavior doesn't happen in a vacuum. There's always a context, always a reason, even if it takes some detective work to uncover.

Sometimes the triggers are environmental. Noise levels in a busy classroom, the chaos of transition times, routines that feel unpredictable, or spaces that don't quite meet a child's sensory needs can all set the stage for challenging moments. In many toddler rooms, for instance, we see biting happen consistently during certain activities or times of day. It's not random—it's a pattern worth paying attention to.

Other times, the roots run deeper into a child's internal experience. Anxiety, hunger, exhaustion, or sensory overload can make even simple requests feel impossible to manage. A child who seems clingy might be signaling a need for reassurance. A child who lacks the words to express frustration might resort to physical actions instead. One who struggles with impulse control or frustration tolerance might react before they can think it through.

What's important to understand, and this is where a holistic perspective becomes so valuable, is that everything is connected. A child's physical health, emotional regulation, and social connections don't exist in separate boxes. Poor sleep amplifies tantrums. Hunger makes transitions harder. But on the flip side, movement and outdoor play can ease anxiety. Predictable routines build security. When we look at the whole child in their whole environment, we start to see opportunities for support everywhere.

For Parents: Navigating Drop-Offs and Daily Challenges

Let's talk about one of the most heart-wrenching moments many parents face: drop-off. If your child is tearful, anxious, or reluctant to separate from you, please know that this is incredibly common.

Here's what I want you to remember: consistency and brevity are your allies. I know it feels counterintuitive when your child is upset, but lingering, negotiating, or offering one more hug or story doesn't actually help. Young children need to feel safe in their expectations and consistent in their routines. When they don't know what to expect, it creates more uncertainty, not less.

Your child needs to learn an important lesson: even when they are upset, they are loved, safe, and will be cared for. This lesson extends far beyond the classroom or daycare—it becomes part of how they understand the world and their place in it.

Beyond drop-offs, here are some practical strategies that can help with daily behavioral challenges:

Stay calm during outbursts. Your child is looking to you to know if they're safe. When you remain steady, you become their anchor in the storm.

Name their emotions. "I can see you're feeling really frustrated right now" or "It's hard to say goodbye to Mommy" helps children begin to process what they're experiencing. You're giving them the words they don't yet have.

Use positive reinforcement. Notice and praise the small successes. "You used your words to tell me you were upset—that was really brave" builds the behaviors you want to see more of.

Establish predictable routines. Children thrive on knowing what comes next. Morning routines, bedtime routines, and consistent expectations create a sense of security.

Offer choices within limits.  "We're putting our shirt on now, do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" gives them a sense of independence and control. Make sure the choice offered is something that you are okay with them making. 

Incorporate movement and outdoor play. Physical activity and connection with nature support both emotional regulation and overall well-being.

Collaborate with your child's providers. Consistency between home and school makes all the difference. Share what works at home, and ask what they're seeing in the classroom.

If behaviors persist despite these efforts, don't hesitate to consult with professionals who can create personalized support plans. These steps do more than just manage challenges—they strengthen your relationship with your child and turn difficult moments into opportunities for growth.

For Providers: Creating Supportive Classroom Environments

To the educators and caregivers reading this: I see you. September through November can feel like an endless cycle of tears, transitions, and trying to keep everyone safe while also moving forward. It's exhausting, and it requires so much of you emotionally.

The foundation of managing behavioral challenges in your setting starts before a single child walks through the door. Strong communication with your team and consistent routines are what will carry you through those challenging months. You never want to be in a situation where you're figuring out classroom expectations or routines in the moment, especially when a child is in distress.

Ask yourselves these questions as a team:

• When a child has big feelings, do they know where they can go to feel safe?

• Does each child know how to interact safely with their peers?

• How will transitions be communicated? (Visual cues work wonders here)

• Who is taking the lead during each activity?

• What are our clear, positive rules? (Think "use your walking feet" rather than "no running")

I've worked with many well-intentioned, deeply committed teams who didn't have clear answers to these questions, and it created so many more challenges. Without that foundation, you're constantly in crisis mode, struggling just to keep the room safe, let alone creating the nurturing environment you want to provide.

When you see consistent challenging behaviors, it's helpful to identify where the triggering behavior happens and plan your consistent response. Let's take biting as an example, since it's so common in toddler rooms. There are many reasons a child might bite—they may lack the words to communicate, struggle with impulse control, or have difficulty managing frustration. As you get to know your children, you'll start to see patterns: certain situations, activities, or times of day when biting becomes more frequent.

If every day before nap there's open play at the sand tray and someone gets bitten, maybe the activity needs to change. Could you create more space? Organize smaller groups differently? Is there an opportunity to model positive behaviors during this activity? These are the questions that lead to longer-term change, not just reactive interventions.

Practice rational detachment. This doesn't mean not caring—it means observing behaviors without reacting emotionally, which allows you to document patterns and identify triggers like overcrowding or overstimulation.

Encourage positive actions through group activities that naturally teach sharing, empathy, and cooperation. Consider integrating practices like simple yoga or breathing exercises that support self-regulation.

Partner with parents. Create unified approaches so children receive consistent messages at home and school. Share your observations and listen to theirs.

Seek ongoing training on child-led play and trauma-informed practices. The more tools you have, the more equipped you'll feel.

This empathetic, proactive framework doesn't just help you manage behaviors, it creates a space where children can truly thrive socially and emotionally, which is ultimately why you chose this work.

Moving Forward Together

Whether you're a parent or a provider, the most powerful tool you have is: connection with the children in your care, with each other, and with the resources available to support you. Open communication, shared observations, and consistent strategies that honor each child's whole development create the conditions for real progress.

Remember that addressing behavioral challenges holistically means looking at the big picture: physical health, emotional well-being, social connections, and environmental factors all matter. Play therapy, family workshops, professional consultation, and simple practices like outdoor time and predictable routines can all be part of your toolkit.

Progress takes time and patience. There will be hard days. But with empathy, consistency, and a

commitment to understanding the "why" behind the behavior, you're not just resolving immediate challenges but also nurturing confident, resilient young minds and building the foundation for lifelong emotional health.

You're doing important work. And you're doing it well.

If you're looking for support with behavioral concerns, our therapists Justin Gutterman and Alicia Heishman are ready to help. With experience in school settings and specialized training in early childhood behavior, they bring both knowledge and practical expertise to every session.

Early Childhood Partners in Practice specializes in helping children aged 0-8, along with their families, caregivers, and providers, navigate challenges with compassion and skill. We're here to support you.

Book a Free Consultation Today!